


on the subject of detachment

by lafgl



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, an aside to 5x09, angsty fluffy feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 22:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7288513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafgl/pseuds/lafgl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Every person I've become, every identity I've had, all of the hundreds of lives I've led, each of them has a piece of me, all scattered over the world. They have nothing in common. No constant." ((a short addition set after the reunion in 5x09))</p>
            </blockquote>





	on the subject of detachment

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before the day before the finale and finished touching it up today. I'll call that an improvement from mulling over everything I write for a good month before posting it.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy this mess of feelings. I see this taking place shortly after their reunion in 5x09.

"Shaw, can we talk?" Root looks at her, as she walks into the bedroom of the safe house, with what Shaw recognizes as genuine concern.

"I don't know what you want from me, Root," she crosses her arms, sitting down on the bed they'd been sharing for the past few days.

Root shakes her head, "I just want to be by your side through all of this."

"You know I can't give that to you." Shaw has said that line to her so many times in the past few years, always the same question, but now she's beginning to question if it's what she really means, or just a habit, a hardwired response.

"That's the thing, I think you can. I think you _know_ you can, and you're scared of that." Shaw doesn't respond to her because she knows she's right, that somewhere along the way, she actually started to feel _something_ for this woman. "People change, Sameen. We're never the people we were yesterday."

"I don't want to change, Root. I'm fine the way I am. I'm not _broken_." It's a sudden burst of anger; Root sits down next to her and places a hand on her arm, reassuring her that she didn't mean it like that.

"I didn't say that," she pauses. "What I'm saying is that, you've _already_ changed. I couldn't tell you _when_ , just that you're... _different_ from the first time I met you."

"Different like..."

Root knows what she's implying, " _Yes_."

Somewhere inside, Shaw knows she's right.

"Not all change is bad, Sameen," she reaches an arm around Shaw's waist and starts to stroke her back gently.

"Easy for _you_ to say. You love change." Shaw sighs and moves Root's hand off of her.

In response, Root scoots over a little bit closer to her, all the while drawing a fine line between them, "Where would you get an idea like that?"

Shaw scoffs and continues moving the other way, evening the distance, " _Please_. You have a different identity practically every day. Sometimes more."

A soft reply, "I never said I liked it."

"So enlighten me." Shaw replies, with a healthy dose of sarcasm.

"It's like," Root turns her whole body towards Shaw, pulling her legs up on the bed, and crossing them like they're schoolchildren, "For my entire adult life, I've put on a different mask everyday and became someone I'm not." Shaw looks towards her, parting her lips slightly, interested. "At some point the person I was disappeared; there was no real me. No constant. At least until the past few years."

"I don't--" Shaw tries to cut her off, but Root keeps talking, over her.

"Every person I've become, every identity I've had, all of the hundreds of lives I've led, each of them has a piece of me, all scattered over the world. They have nothing in common. No constant. Until, I met Harry. And you. Every identity I take on..." Root reaches out with one hand to take hold of Shaw's hand, delicately holding her fingers, " _You're_ there. _You're_ the constant."

Shaw tries to process this information, Root, here, baring her soul to her, but can't form any meaningful thoughts in her head. "What does that have to do with..."

"You... You've gone through a lot of identities too. And I think," she pauses, trying her best to deal with such a delicate subject as Shaw's emotions (or lack of), "I think we learn something from every one of them. You just happened to pick up something more than a skill or trait... You've always dealt with things by ignoring them, but when you're faced with the same thing _over_ and _over_ , it's like you told me, what that little girl said... you learned to listen."

"I don't _want_ to listen. I never have," she shakes her head and pulls her hand away from Root.

"You'll hear it no matter what, Shaw. You can ignore the voices and keep running or you can talk to me. And _please_ , talk to me."

Shaw knows Root well enough that she isn't getting out of this without taking to her, and sighs, "All my life I didn't care for... _anyone_."

Root takes a moment to carefully pick her words, "Look, I know you're scared. Or, whatever."

"No... I'm... fucking sick to my stomach."

Root tries to give a comforting gesture again, placing her hand on Shaw's shoulder. For once, she lets her. "I wouldn't want you to be any other way, though. I like you _because_ of who you are."

"What are we, 12?"

"It's just the truth, Sweetie." Root smiles in true Root fashion-- the sickeningly sweet grin she only uses with Shaw, a certain glimmer in her eyes.

"But you understand, I don't care in the... typical sense. I just know that I feel _weird_ when you get hurt and it makes me want to hurt other people."

"That's enough for me, Sameen. Anyone who'd commit murder for me is okay in my books."

When did Root get so close to her? Their noses are practically touching. Shaw silently waits for Root to make a move, but fails to realize that she won't do anything without her initiating it. Sometimes Shaw wishes she didn't respect her boundaries as much as she did. Shaw holds out a good 30 seconds, hoping Root would be the one to close the gap between them, before pinning her back on the bed.

Some time later, Shaw settles with her head on Root's chest, listening to her heartbeat, feeling the slow rise and fall of her breaths. Her hand is cradling Shaw's head, gently caressing the side of her face and pushing her hair behind her ear.

Somewhere in-between dreams and consciousness, between the sleeping and awake world, Root tells her something that she doesn't have the energy to address now, and won't have the courage to ask about in the morning. "Sometimes we meet people and they completely change who we are as a person."

"Mmhmm?"

"You changed me."


End file.
